Lincoln Women's Aid

"After many years of abuse Liz..."

“After many years of abuse, my daughter and I spent a week in the refuge. In there, we felt safe and able to relax. In there, it was quite scary, but the people and workers were wonderful to us. There was always someone to talk to.

When you stay in the refuge, it makes you realise that there is help out there and you are not on your own. I suppose I was one of the luckier ones, when you see some poor women in there with their children. I listened to a lot of stories from different people about what they had to put up with from an abusive partner.

I was lucky as I went to stay with my eldest daughter and her family after leaving the refuge. The worst mistake I ever made was going back to my abusive husband, but I thought maybe he could change. At first, when I went back it was good and I was happy again, but it wasn’t to last; things went from good to bad, to absolute torture. He never let me forget that I had once left him. He didn’t believe that we had stayed in the refuge as he never realised how bad it was for us to live with him.

The night I finally left him and took our youngest daughter was when I realised that this man would never change. I can only describe myself as feeling mentally drained after listening to him constantly repeating himself. I knew the night I left that I couldn’t take any more.

My two older children had been affected by this mad man and I knew I couldn’t let our youngest daughter go the same way. You owe it to your children to get them out of an abusive environment and that is where the Lincoln Women’s Aid came to my rescue.

I contacted LWA who were very supportive. The first time I went there I felt very nervous, not really knowing what to expect, but it wasn’t long before I felt relaxed. I met Jenny, who was to become my support worker. She was brilliant with me, I could tell her anything and she would listen and not make me feel as if I was some sort of mad person, because sometimes I did feel that way. I think when you’ve been in an abusive relationship you do think you are going mad.

I could pour my heart out to Jenny and she was there for me; she never criticised me and I knew that once I had started to tell her about my abusive relationship, I could keep going on and bringing things into the open that I never believed I would be able to tell anyone. Meeting Jenny once a week really helped me to feel like a person again. We would sit outside in the garden of the centre and I could talk about anything; it made me feel better about myself and to realise that you are not on your own. If I needed someone to talk to, anytime, I could ring and speak to her. It really does help to speak to someone outside of the family. It’s not easy to speak to your family when you are down as sometimes they don’t understand. I think you try to keep a brave face in front of your children and LWA workers enabled me to speak out about my fears and how I was feeling from day to day.

When you have lived in an abusive relationship for a long time, you get to thinking that you can’t possibly cope on your own, but going to LWA helped me to gain the strength I needed to become more independent and not have to totally rely on anyone to get through each day.

I have moved from strength to strength with the help of LWA. My support worker helped me through some very difficult times and I will never really be able to thank her and her team enough. My youngest daughter and I have moved into a very nice council house all with the help of LWA.

We still have some hard times with all the changes we have had in our live, but you can move on. It is not easy, but with the help and support of LWA, YOU CAN DO IT!

I can always ring my support worker if I need to and I know WA will always be there for me and my daughter.

My daughter is still getting help from a child support worker who she goes to see once a week. The child support worker is connected to the refuge, she is absolutely great. My daughter is able to tell her support worker many things that she is not able to tell me, mainly because she doesn’t want to hurt me. My youngest daughter has benefited greatly from these meetings and I only wish that I had had that help for my two older children.

I can only say that without the help of the WA workers, and Lincoln refuge, that I would not have got so far to realise I am my own person, that nobody owns me, and that living with an abusive person is not how any woman should live. There is help out there and I have had a lot of support and kindness from everyone who is connected to either the centre or the refuge.

For that, I am eternally grateful. THANK YOU X”